A Daily Portmanteau

Emergentry

2011-12-02T08:30:00.019-05:00

Meaning: 1) A class of incredibly well-mannered emergency room staffers that are often rare to find. 2) An arising group of well bred citizens that have greater integrity than existing cultural aristocrats.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: 1) Emergency Room + Gentry 2) Emerging + Gentry

Example: "On a recent trip to the ER I encountered several kind and patient staff, a far different experience than I've had in the past. They should rename it the Emergentry Room."

Amtracket

2011-12-01T08:30:00.014-05:00

Meaning: The organized and systemic price gouging you experience when you decide to ride the train in the United States.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Amtrak + Racket

Example: "$260 to go from DC to New York - one way? I nearly had a fit in front of the Amtracketeers. For that price I could have flown to Chicago and back."

Pallergy

2011-11-30T08:30:00.049-05:00

Meaning: 1) The adverse reaction of the body to an overbearing friend or acquaintance. 2) The intense fear of coffins.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: 1) Pal + Allergy 2) Pall + Allergy

Example: "Lately I've been pretty pallergic to the girls at the knitting circle. They just get me under the skin when they brag about their inverse moss stitches, their twisted aryan cables, and their stupid featherweight sustainable bamboo yarn."

Photo Credit: Morgan David de Lossy/Corbis

Variations:
Mallergy: The sick feeling you get whenever someone mentions a trip to the mall.

Tallergy: The fearful avoidance of people over six feet tall.

Fallergy: The intense dislike of bright autumn colors, the crisp nip in the air, and pumpkins.

Occupatronize

2011-11-29T08:30:00.038-05:00

Meaning: 1) To takeover the role of someone else as a benefactor to an artist or organization. 2) To behave in an offensively condescending matter towards all the capitalists pigs who walk past your Occupy Wall Street/city protest; To disparage and scoff at all the hippies camped out in your city's Occupy protest.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Occupy + Patronize

Example: "It's ironic that the Occupy DC protest, filled designer tents and elaborate tarps, with is located about a block away from a homeless encampment that mainly only has blankets."

Luncharity

2011-11-28T08:30:00.029-05:00

Meaning: A small act of philanthropy whereby one shares their lunch or treats a friend who's worse-off to a meal.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Lunch + Charity

Photo Credit:Roy McMahon/Corbis

Example: "Whenever possible, Catherine treats her unemployed friends to bite, because she knows that her luncharity won't go unnoticed one day. It's about Karma and the Golden Rule."

Friendearing

2011-11-25T08:30:00.003-05:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to the funny ticks, eccentricities, and ridiculous sayings of your friends, that remind you how awesome they are.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Friend + Endearing

Example: "Just love it when I'm reminded why I love my friends. Especially when they are as odd as sending me pictures of lace up boots that are meant to hide what are falsely-to-be-believed tiny ankles. Or the superhuman ability to know what song is playing based on its first two notes. Or the shared belief that you are showing a waiter how you feel about his service by choosing to give 18 percent and not 20 percent."

Gratiturkey

2011-11-24T08:30:00.038-05:00

Meaning: The turkey that someone else made for Thanksgiving that you are sooo glad you didn't have to make.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Gratitude + Turkey

Example: "Thanksgiving is typically a pot luck in my family, and each year that I don't have to make the gratiturkey is a very thankful one indeed."

Photo Credit: The food passionates/Corbis

Variations:
Turduckenosis: (Turducken + Kenosis) The doctrine that you relinquish your health so that your stomach can feel like it was hit by cannonballs after eating several helpings of turducken.

Sinvoluntary

2011-11-23T08:30:00.002-05:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to the delicious bad things that one cannot voluntarily control or stop.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Sin + Involuntary

Example: "She was so captivating and endearingly nervous, so observant, and so... his boss's daughter. After several drinks, Leo knew he was in for it, when the sinvoluntary muscle spasms started."

Leave of Crabsence

2011-11-22T08:30:00.003-05:00

Meaning: The break you take when your irritable behavior is annoying even yourself.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Leave of Absence + Crab

Example: "My professor needs to take a leave of crabsence, he's been cross and difficult to listen to ever since his boyfriend broke up with him."

Photo Credit: Peter Frank/Corbis

Variations:
Leave of Gabsence The blissful silence of having a overly-chatty person in your life go on vacation.

Leave of Flabsence: Headed to week-long boot camp, to lose those last 15 pounds.

Restpitiful

2011-11-21T08:30:00.004-05:00

Meaning: Having a really poor-quality recess or break.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Respite + Pitiful

Example: "Flight: delayed. The already-booked hotel lost our reservation. We time, turned into emergency work time, and then nice fight over a the direction of our relationship. The relaxing weekend turned out to be pretty respitiful."

Occupatriot

2011-06-07T11:20:00.000-04:00

Meaning: A person who loves, supports, and defends his or her place of work with intense devotion in the face of criticism from more jaded colleagues.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Occupation + Patriot

Example: "Joe will always be a occupatriot to Enron, even though he only worked in the mailroom for a month. And even though the company like, committed gross accounting fraud."

Pandorapture

2011-06-06T10:04:00.000-04:00

Meaning: To feel joyful ecstasy when you listen to new songs that you instantly love on Pandora.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Pandora + Rapture

Example: "Every day at work I try to spend at least a half an hour listening to my favorite station on Pandora.com. It's my daily Pandorapture."

Oh, I am so sorry...

2011-06-02T13:16:00.005-04:00

I have no good excuse for not blogging these past few weeks. All I can say is life - or in my case - work happens. Stay tuned, I'm starting to get out from under my pile of work, so I can get back to the more important stuff of making up words that no one will use. I'm here to serve, soon.

Cincold de Mayo

2011-05-05T08:00:00.012-04:00

Meaning: The celebration of Cinco de Mayo by a Mexican (or any fun loving celebrant) expat living in a cold weather climate.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Cinco de Mayo + Cold

Example: "Though she's lived in Kotzebue, Alaska for a decade, every year on the Fifth of May, Angelica holds her now-legendary Cincold de Mayo party. The margaritas are made with snow."

A Know-it-all Note: Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican army’s victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, and is not Mexican independence day.

Compadress

2011-05-03T08:00:00.001-04:00

Meaning: A dress that never lets you down.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Compadre + Dress

Example: "Every girl has a compadress. Maybe it's that blue sundress you had since you were 16, or the perfect little black dress. Whatever shape, it's a wonderful piece of fabric that never lets you down - like a good friend."

Variations:

Compadresser: A person who without fail always ends up dressing like you at a party.

Compadredge: A "friend" that always feels the need to bring up ugly parts of your past in the company of others under the guise of pleasant conversation.

Royalcott

2011-04-29T05:30:00.001-04:00

Meaning: A choice to completely ignore press coverage of this morning's royal wedding.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Royal + Boycott

Example: "I've met more people staging royalcotts of Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding today than those that plan to watch. I think I'm in the latter camp, just to see the dress."

Werdmerge

2011-04-27T08:30:00.121-04:00

Meaning: A website that automates the writing of portmanteaus.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Werd + Merge

Credit: Matt Handler

Example: "A few months ago, I discovered the website Werdmerge, which automatically creates portmanteaus. My first reaction was to close down this blog and call myself a victim of those damn 'puters. But I soon realized that the more people (and algorithms) creating interesting words, the better. So I started talking to Werdmerge's 27-year-old creator, Matt Handler, of Brooklyn. Along with this new project - which is now a free iphone app -- Matt also runs Madpattern.com, a free tool to rapidly prototype patterns, and starglue.com, which will allow users to stay up to date with their favorite bands and artists. Thanks for ~~nothing~~ the interview Matt!"

What gave you the idea for Werdmerge?

I read an article back in 2007 that every single word in the dictionary was taken as a domain name. That means that from that point on, when people wanted to make a new website, they had three options: 1. words that aren't in the dictionary 2. multiple words 3. adding hyphens and other punction (about.me). As I happen to love making word jokes with my friends, I thought this would be a fun easy project to help us brainstorm.

Why Werdmerge and not Wordmerge?

Wordmerge.com was squatted by a spammer. :(

How did you build this thing?

The original site was built in a few hours in php back in 2007, nothing fancy. The app was built using the standard iPhone dev tools in xCode.

How did you factor in similar sounding beginnings and endings to words? It's clear that you aren't just taking the same endings and beginnings, that you've accounted for synonyms.

This is the best part in my opinion... basically I just have a dictionary of phonetic spellings of words, so I can look up similar sounding overlaps vs. similar spellings. It leads to much more novelty. I feel like it's probably in my best interest not to mention [the dictionary source]... I can tell you that they definitely have some weird words in there though.

Has anyone used it yet? Who do you imagine would be your users?

There have been a good couple hundred downloads so far, people have been finding some pretty funny words. I keep checking the "hot merges" section to see what people are coming up with. As for users, I like to imagine that everyone can have fun discovering new words, though I think the people who will enjoy it the most, are people who like to make puns and other word jokes.

Do you think you are putting the industry of portmanteau writing out of business, like me?

Haha, well, I never meant to put anyone out... Just to give people a good tool for creating portmanteaus. I'd like to think that the app will cause people to be more interested in portmanteaus, especially because I notice a lot of people don't know what the word means (also it's hard to spell, which makes it extra hard to search for). Hopefully instead of putting you out of business, I'll generate more people that are interested in the merges you come up with.

Hamnesia

2011-04-25T08:30:00.017-04:00

Meaning: The memory-loss and general sluggishness associated with gorging on ham on Easter.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Ham + Amnesia

Credit: Karen and Jerry, hamnesia victims and spokespeople.

Example: "I've waited over six months to use hamnesia in a portmanteau. Hope everyone had a happy Easter."

Variation: Stupork (Stupor + Pork).

Beverenge

2011-04-22T08:00:00.001-04:00

Meaning: 1) When a tasty beverage leaves you locked in the bathroom all night long. 2) A method used by unsavory waitstaff to passive-aggressively taint your drink.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Beverage + Revenge

Example: "I've been in denial about a possible lactose intolerance for years. Even though I face major beverenge after drinking a milkshake or hot chocolate, I can't not have them. And so I suffer."

Photo: By Dawn Perry.

Archaicky

2011-04-20T08:30:00.055-04:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to something primitive and ancient that gives you the creeps.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Archaic + Icky

Example: "This ancient medieval torture device is pretty archaicky and so is Hugh Hefner."

Photos: Hefner photo by Luke Ford.

Pulitzero

2011-04-19T08:30:00.011-04:00

Meaning: When a Pulitzer Prize competition is held, people enter, and no one wins.

Function:Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Pulitzer + Zero

Example: "Yesterday, the Pulitzer Prize committee did not award a winner in the breaking news journalism category, the first time in the award's 95-year history. Total Pulitzero."

Shintimacy

2011-04-18T08:30:00.040-04:00

Meaning: The feeling of closeness to the raw emotive power/luscious depression that comes from listening to The Shins.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: The Shins + Intimacy

Example: "The end of the weekend always provides a moment of reflection for me. And nothing oils that engine more than some Shintimacy. Problem is, after hearing things like: 'There is a numbness in your heart and its growing', I am in no mood to greet Monday morning."

April Foo Fighters

2011-04-01T08:30:00.051-04:00

Meaning: A joke or trick involving a fake UFO ala Greg Brady that doesn't have to take place on April Fools Day but could.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: April Fools + Foo Fighters

Historical Note: Before a rock band appropriated its name, foo fighters was used by Allied airplane pilots during World War II to describe unidentified flying objects seen in the skies in Europe and the Pacific. While some assumed they were secret weapons used by the enemy, the strange phenomena in the skies were never explained.

Example: "Up on the sky, what's that glowing red object that's making that strange electronic noise? Haha April Foo Fighters!"

Thermalady

2011-03-31T08:30:00.004-04:00

Meaning: An actual or imagined disorder of the body that makes it impossible to feel comfortable with the temperature of a room. Or the outdoors. Or anywhere really.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Thermal + Malady

Example: "I may have a thermalady that has no cure. When the heat is on, it's too hot. When I turn it off, I'm too cold. And the temperature gauges, they do nothing."

Variations:
Lacrimalady: Afflicts those who can't stop crying at anything. Happy or sad.

Proximalady: For those who can't stop violating the personal space of others, especially strangers.

Animalady: When your cat wakes up, then runs back and forth across your apartment for no apparent reason, then returns to sleep.

Formalady: For people that find it impossible to do anything casually.

Food Truculence

2011-03-30T08:30:00.003-04:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to vitriolic and brutally harsh food truck driver or owner.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Food Truck + Truculence

Example: "Though it makes a nice portmanteau, I have never encountered food truculence in the many food trucks I have patronized in DC. They are always kind, helpful, and bearers of delicious and fast food."

Baydar

2011-03-24T08:30:00.015-04:00

Meaning: An uncanny ability to detect a person from the San Francisco Bay Area.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Bay + Radar

Credit: My friend Aileen!

Example: "You don't have to be from Northern California to have Baydar about people. All you have to do is spot an aura of laid-back intellectualism, coupled with food-and-social-consciousness, and maybe, but not always, the scent of Mary Jane."

Infantuation

2011-03-23T08:30:00.003-04:00

Meaning: An non-creepy obsession with an adorable infant.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Infant + Infatuation

Example: "I am totally infantuated with my new baby niece. She's simply adorable."

Householdout

2011-03-22T08:30:00.000-04:00

Meaning: 1) The one stickler or contrarian in a group house decision. 2) The last home on a block that has been razed for "development." See this awesome householdout.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: House + Holdout

Credit: Uncredited Washington Post photo.

Example: "Austin Spriggs was the last householdout in the District of Columbia's Convention Center 'neighborhood'. No one knows what happened to him."

Coleslawesome

2011-03-11T08:20:00.005-05:00

Meaning: A way to describe really delicious coleslaw. The 'cole' can also be dropped to simply 'slawesome.'

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Coleslaw + Awesome

Variations:

Flawsome: (Flaw + Awesome) For a person or thing with the most wonderful and endearing of faults. (Established portmanteau)

Example: "I generally dont like that stringy orange and green stuff that people serve with fried chicken. Which doesn't make sense because all the component ingredients are great. If only someone could create coleawesome, I'd be all set."

Pythontrepreneur

2011-03-10T08:30:00.002-05:00

Meaning: One who develops a business enterprise as a programmer who uses the python language.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Python + Entrepreneur

Note: A big thank you to Eric Mill for his assistance with this portmanteau!

Example: "An old listserv chain from 2002 asks: 'Booleans, integer division, backwards compatibility; where is Python going?' And one participants answers: 'Stata users PAY to get this sort of maintenance of the past. Perhaps there is a business opportunity for a Python entrepreneur. Perhaps not.' If only he knew that there'd be plenty of pythontrepreneurs in the future."

Complexcited

2011-03-08T08:43:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The feeling of joyous anticipation mixed with other deeper and perhaps inexplicable emotions.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Complex + Excited

Example: "I would imagine that getting a much-needed divorce finalized would create a set of complexcited emotions. One the one hand, it's over, on the other, you're starting again."

Hegemontage

2011-03-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

Meaning: The juxtaposition of disparate photographs of various hegemons (and recent protests) to present a combined sentiment.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Hegemon + Montage

Example: "Recent protests against domineering leaders in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya, and Madison, are perfectly highlighted with the use of a hegemontage. (See above)"

Variations:
Hegemobster: A dominating leader with ties to organized crime.

Hegadmonish: The initial less-than-forceful criticism of a dominating leader. (See Obama's Timid Words on Libya)

Hegemonotony: The strange humdrum associated with a long-serving dominating regime, i.e. The Mass Games in North Korea.

Hegemonetary: Of or pertaining to the world domination of a particular curren$y.

Hegemongol: A dominating leader in Ulan Bator.

Hegemonster: (Established portmanteau)

Hegemonologue: (Established portmanteau) But here's a great example of one.

Hegemonitor: One who tracks the actions of hegemons.

Hegemonsoon: The storm-like feel of the recent usurpation of domineering world leaders. Also, the name of a grunge thrash band from Minneapolis.

Arduophoria

2011-03-03T10:39:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The type of happiness that took great exertion and hardship to obtain.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Arduous + Euphoria

Example: "Being happy is great, but joy you had to work your butt off to achieve or go through major periods of crappiness to reach, that feeling of arduphoria, that's the best joy there is."

Variations:
Ardubliss: (Arduous + Bliss) Has the benefit of rhyming with arduous.

Strenuphoria: (Strenuous + Euphoria) Can be used for a more physically-related happiness. i.e. Completing the Boston Marathon.

Romantiki

2011-03-02T12:04:00.000-05:00

Meaning: A carved image, or any object of significance, worn or held in hopes of initiating romance.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Romantic + Tiki

Example: "Everyone has some kind of romantiki. A lucky necklace, special aftershave, a predating contract... Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it's used to initiate love, or a make out session."

Note: Romantiki is also the name of a 1941 Russian movie, though the meaning is different. The movie was known informally in English as "Children of the Soviet Arctic International".

Variations:

Monochromantic: (Monochrome + Romantic) For someone that has a very bland or boring style of wooing. It's an established portmanteau, but awesome nonetheless.

Romantic-Depressive: (Romantic + Manic Depressive) An affective disorder characterized by periods of deep romanticism alternating with periods of depression about failed attempts at love.

Praying Romantis: (Praying Mantis + Romantic) A little more sad than a hopeless romantic, a praying romantis is the unusual species that knows a relationship isn't meant to be, yet continues to pray it'll get better.

Religionado

2011-03-01T08:00:00.001-05:00

Meaning: An ardent devotee or enthusiast of religion, religious objects, and religious representations, who may or may not believe in God. (See "spirituatheist" below)

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Religion + Aficionado

Example: "I'm an atheist, but I love religion. I don't think that makes me a hypocrite though. If Joseph Campbell taught us anything, it's that all religious beliefs come from a common human drive to make sense of the world through myths and stories. He also taught us to follow our bliss, and if that means collecting goddess statues wherever I go, so be it."

Variations:

Spirituatheist: (Spiritual + Atheist), For a person who does not believe in God, but does believe human spirituality. Example: "The number of spirituatheists in the world might actually outnumber the believers who don't possess an ounce of compassion."

Scatheist: (Scathe + Atheist), For the attacking, and critical atheists out there, and the former scatheists who have grown up to become spirituathiests.

Delegrate

2011-02-28T08:29:00.000-05:00

Meaning: To disparage or belittle subordinates by giving them useless, doomed-to-fail tasks.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Delegate + Denigrate

Credit: I love it when readers give me suggestions. This one was created by Steven Majoros, which I tweaked a little. Thanks Steven!

Example: "Good superiors delegate, trusting your abilities to complete needed tasks. Bad superiors delegrate -- waiting with bated breath until you fail."

Aromalaise

2011-02-18T12:56:00.000-05:00

Meaning: A feeling of uneasiness or lethargy when surrounded by a multitude of smells that others might find refreshing or exciting.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Aroma + Malaise

Variation: Cinemalaise - For those whose parents were movie buffs.

Example: "My mother is a chef, so I grew up in a home where it wasn't uncommon to smell parmesan incrusted chicken, roasted caramelized hazelnuts, or slow braised five-spice pork upon entering my front door. Because of that, I think suffer from a kind of aromalaise. A dish would have to smell pretty striking to get me interested."

Sofafacient

2011-02-17T10:35:00.001-05:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to a couch that causes or induces sleep, no matter how much you may want to get up.

Function: Adjective, Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Sofa + Somnifacient

Variations: Couchma (Couch + Coma); Venus Fly Couch

Photo Credit: James White on Flickr.

Example: "My sister's couch is incredibly sofafacient. Lying on it, I was aware the world was happening around me and that I could join it if I could just get up, but it kept enticing me back to sleep, like the sirens to Odysseus."

Technogorrhea

2011-02-15T17:22:00.006-05:00

Meaning: The pathologically incoherent, repetitious, and incessant/compulsive talkativeness, with wearisome volubility of many in the technology field who should probably get back to work. Often the opposite of Analogorrhea.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Technology + Logorrhea

Example: "I'm on a listserv that seems to be populated throughout the day with underworked people who must spread their technogorrhea to anyone that will listen. Seriously people, with the energy you spend discussing your problems, you could be working to fix it."

Variations:
Slogorrhea: Having to read through others' technogorrhea in order to see if there is anything useful, and then ultimately realizing there isn't.

Hogorrhea: When someone jumps in and takes over someone else's technogorrhea about journalism to talk about "cloud computing".

Pedagogorrhea: Something I bet teachers face when having long discussions about teaching pedagogy.

Snogorrhea: (Snog + Logorrhea) For my British friends -- and probably the only good kind of logorrhea that exists.

Photogorrhea: A condition that besets many who are too lazy to write stuff who just post pictures of everything they do.

Dialogorrhea: When hogorrhea becomes a group exercise, and everyone with the condition feels the needs to discuss. (established portmanteau)

Travelogorrhea: Many a Faulkner-loving travel writer has experienced this. (established portmanteau)

Bloglogorrhea: Self explanatory, and rampant. (established portmanteau)

Friendcognito

2011-02-08T12:57:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The use of a friend to mask one's true intentions, done either with or without that friend's approval.

Function: Adjective, Adverb, Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Friend + Incognito

Example: "My brother is dying to see his ex-girlfriend's new man. And since is buddy kinda knows the guy and was invited to his Superbowl party, he's determined to go friendcognito with him and scope the dude out. I've tried to tell him what a bad idea this is, but he won't budge."

HuffpOL

2011-02-07T15:34:00.000-05:00

Meaning: A possible new name to the merger between The Huffington Post and AOL.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Huffpo + AOL

Variatons: AOLington Post (Already used), AOLianna Huffinton.

Example: "I was reading in the HuffpOL that dialup is making a comeback."

Apologies

2011-02-01T20:40:00.000-05:00

I've been on a partial forgetaway and abbreviatus for the past couple weeks and it was so great it totally slipped my mind to update this blog. Tune in later this week for more portmanteaus.

In the meantime, there's been a lot of traffic to my Snomenclature post from last year, probably due to the recent - or current - snowstorms in the Midwest and east coast. How ironic that this comes at a time when I was lying on a beach yesterday. I know this may be cruel, but I can't resist...

Subalternative

2011-01-21T13:19:00.002-05:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to a life or career option that is lower in rank or position than you might take. Not exactly the last resort, but definately not ideal.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Subaltern + Alternative

Variaton: Subalterminator (Subaltern + Terminator): An insecure leader who feels the need to eviscerate anyone who is lower in rank than them.

Example: "In these tough economic times, sometimes you have to go with a subalternative option than the brass ring and bide your time."

Freedebasing

2011-01-20T12:53:00.001-05:00

Meaning: To get a high off of lowering oneself in rank, dignity, or significance.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Freebasing + Debase

Example: "My friend Josie loves being miserable. She freedebases on all her failures, as if regaling and reliving them is somehow a badge of honor and a source of pride. I've never known someone more in need of a self-esteem boost. Can you get that at Jamba Juice?"

Californithology

2011-01-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

Meaning: The branch of zoology that deals with both the native and exotic people that inhabit the state of California.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: California + Ornithology

Example: "The study of Californithology requires keen observational skills and years of practice. Even the slightest mention of processed foods and chicken that isn't caged free can send these creatures flying."

Ophiucrap

2011-01-14T08:00:00.009-05:00

Meaning: 1) The nonsense that there is a 13th Zodiac sign named Ophiuchus that falls between Scorpio and Sagittarius. 2) An epithet that former Sagittarians utter when faced with the fact that astrology may mean nothing.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Ophiuchus (Pronounced: off-ih-YOU-kuss) + Crap

Variations:
Astrologymastics: The shifting of long-held beliefs in astrology, thanks to interference from actual scientists.

Astrologypped: How Scorpios feel now that they only have a sign that lasts for 7 days (November 23-29). Thanks a lot Parke Kunkle! BTW, in case anyone is offended.

Example: "My reaction to the news that I'm apparently no longer a Sagittarian? Total Ophiucrap."

Scotchkes

2011-01-13T16:08:00.004-05:00

Meaning: An inexpensive souvenir, trinket, or ornament that depicts something related to Scottish culture, that may or may not have been made in China.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Scottish + Tchotchkes

Photo: By Jza84 via Wikimedia commons of a souvenir shop in Edinburgh.

Variations:
Botchkes: (Botch + Tchotchkes) A very poorly made souvenir, that may or may not have been made in China.

Top Notchkes: The best of the best tchotchkes.

Crotchkes: Yes, I went there, and I'm not at all sorry. In the spirit of inappropriateness, I'll let folks pick their own definitions for this one.

Example: "My trip to Scotland was fabulous. Totally loaded up on the usual Scotchkes: kilts, mini bottles of Scotch, and tape. Lots and lots of tape."

Note: Not speaking of China or anything tangentially Scottish, check out this cute short: My Name is Yu Ming about language and culture - and how we mess it all up.

Trespassion

2011-01-12T12:04:00.001-05:00

Meaning: The wrongful intrusion and usurpation of another person's passions due to lack of one's own.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Trespass + Passion

Variations:
Trespassenger: (Trespass + Passenger) A discovered stowaway who must remain on a ship until it arrives at its destination.

Example: "When Francine and I met we became instant best friends, that is until she trespassioned on my entire life. It started small, she would suddenly love all the things I loved, like blue cheese on rice, or composing rock operas. Within a year, she took my job, my boyfriend, and my crown for reigning champ of the Pioneer Valley gender-neutral inner-beauty pageant. She was a total victim-of-insecurity-itch."

Kitchencott

2011-01-10T08:00:00.002-05:00

Meaning: To refuse to cook as a protest or means of coercion.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Kitchen + Boycott

Portmanteau Credit: Karla Woods-Stephens via SHADES Magazine.

Photo Credit: December 1937 article from Popular Mechanics (sans 'No' sign).

Example: "My roommates haven't done their chores in weeks, so I staged a kitchencott. No baked chicken, pork fried rice, or ham and cheese omelets until the house was clean. It's been eight days. Maybe they don't like my cooking as much as I thought."

Charmony

2011-01-07T15:11:00.002-05:00

Meaning: 1) The use of charm to gain agreement and accord. 2) The use of charm by multiple people to create a chord of flattery and gain the upper hand.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Charm + Harmony

Variations:
Discharmony: When group charm clashes, producing the opposite of the intended result.

Charmaceutical: (Charm + Pharmaceutical) The use of charm by prescription-drug-dealers/pharmaceutical reps to get doctors and patients to use their expensive medicine.

Example: "Instead of a wing man, my friend likes to use wing men when approaching one or a group of women. He plays it earnest and straight, while one friend acts like a boor. Meanwhile a third friend is pure comic relief. This charmony offensive does not always produce positive results, but that doesn't stop him and his friends from trying."

Amortuus

2011-01-06T17:32:00.001-05:00

Meaning: The death of love. (For use by very pretentious people).

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Amor + Mortuus (Translation: Love + Death)

Note: This is a surprisingly difficult portmanteau to create in English. So I cheated and pulled from the years spent studying Latin in my youth (Yeah right, it'll prepare you for the SAT). Catullus is probably turning over in his grave, but Mrs. Lowe, Ms. Mensch/Learner, and Mr. Smith would be proud. "Ecce Roma!"

Example: "You know amortuus has set in when a picture of your once-loved one only causes your stomach to churn, and not in a good way."

Lottoroticism

2011-01-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The arousal and satisfaction of excitement within or by oneself as one imagines what they would do if they hit the lottery.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Lotto + Autoeroticism

Variations:
Lottopilot: (Lotto + Autopilot) The use of the lotto machine to pick your numbers, instead of relying on your lucky digits.

Lottograph: (Lotto + Autograph) The unique imprint one makes when picking your own numbers (see photo).

Example: "Lottoeroticism has spread in recent weeks as 41 states watch the Mega Millions reach $355 million. Everywhere they sell tickets, plebeians and proletariats can be heard uttering starry-eyed hopes for how they would spend the money."

Bridealism

2011-01-04T11:17:00.001-05:00

Meaning: The tendency for soon-to-be brides to represent things according to a standard of perfection, or as they might or should be rather than they actually are.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Bride + Idealism

Variation:
Slidealism: (Slide + Idealism) Where one believes they can let their idealism slide temporarily in order to gain quick rewards.

Example: "My friend the wedding planner, often finds herself in a position where she must curb the bridalism of her clients. Not every wedding needs to have white doves, an orchestra, or cathedral-length trains (Except maybe Kate Middleton's)."

Après-olution

2011-01-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The period of relaxation that follows the ritualistic but often Quixotic making of New Years' resolutions.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Après-Ski + Resolution

Example: "Anyone can tout their wish list for themselves on January 1st, but it's the après-solution that really matters. Talk to me on December 31st about all you've accomplished and then I'll be impressed."

First Nightlife

2010-12-31T08:00:00.001-05:00

Meaning: Parties, countdowns, and general events for revelry and/or drunken brawls on New Year's Eve.

Portmanteau Origins: First Night + Nightlife

Function: Snapshots from a New Year's Eve of yore in Seattle by Ashley Bach.

Example: "I can't wait to check out the First Nightlife tonight. Here's to 2011!"

Variations:

First Nightcap: The final drink you take before you call it a New Years night, or morning.

First Nightmare: When you find yourself uttering: "Oh here go hell come..." on New Year's Eve.

First Nightclubbing: Does anyone actually go to a club on NYE?

First Nightie: What you slip into after your First Nightcap with that handsome stranger you just know you'll regret in 2011.

Pseudobituary

2010-12-29T17:08:00.003-05:00

Meaning: Online reports of false deaths of celebrities, many as a result of users of fakeawish.com.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Pseudo + Obituary

Variation: Robituary = Rob + Obituary.

Example: "Reports of the deaths of Eddie Murphy, Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, and Adam Sandler, have been greatly exaggerated, thanks to the proliferation of pseudobituaries and rumors on the Internet. Winner of most crass headline: "Deaddie Murphy."

Jib Jabolish

2010-12-28T09:04:00.001-05:00

Meaning: Actions made by the public to do away with haggard internet memes and formerly voguish web culture trends.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Jib Jab + Abolish

Variations: Jib Jabort, Jib Jabuse, Jib Jabhor, Jib Jabandon.

Example: "Not to pick on the fun folks over at Jib Jab, but seriously, I am so over Elfing Yourselves and musical Year in Review videos. Jib Jabolish your schtick guys, and create something new and interesting!"

Godolt

2010-12-27T12:20:00.000-05:00

Meaning: 1) Literally, waiting for an idiot. 2) Figuratively, waiting for a stupid reason or cause.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Godot + Dolt

Photo: 'Two Men Looking at the Moon" by Caspar David Friedrich, was said to be one inspiration behind Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot. (Personally, I prefer 'A Man and Woman Looking at the Moon.')

Example: "Waiting to renew your license at the DMV is like waiting for Godolt. It takes forever and you know that in the end, they're gonna mess something up."

Christmiserable

2010-12-25T16:41:00.005-05:00

Meaning: A feeling of unhappiness and misery during the holidays, especially when surrounded by annoying cheer.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins:
Christmas + Miserable

Photo: Natalie Chiu, pondering the meaning of Christmas.

Example: "When you are sitting down to Christmas dinner with the family and wishing they would stop bickering, be thankful for all you have, and try to remember the Christmiserable in the world who would probably welcome a little family fight."

Variations:
Christmiscommunication: When you think you're going to Uncle Bob's house and the party is actually at Uncle Bubba's.

Christmisconduct: When Santa gets a little naughty, and not in a nice way.

Christmisdirection: When you fake a seizure in order to detract from the fact that you forgot to buy your boyfriend a present.

Christmisgiving: When you wonder if you really should have bought your sister that online dating subscription.

Christmisguided: When one dons a Christmas sweater and feels like it's perfectly appropriate.

Christmishmosh: When your Chinese mother serves roast turkey and chicken chow mein at the holiday table.

Christmisjudge: When you realize that your cousin isn't as much of a lush as you thought.

Christmissile: This hits the day after Thanksgiving. All is well in the autumn world, when suddenly Santas are everywhere and all you hear every where you go is Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas'.

Christmisogynist: When no one considers the sacrifices Ms. Claus made to get Santa where he is today.

Christmisquote: "Twas the evening before Christmas and all through the home, not a person was moving, not even a rat."

Christmisshapenly: When New Year's Day approaches and you realize how much you let yourself go during the holidays.

Christmisstep: When you stupidly call Aunt Linda's "roommate" of 20 years her girlfriend in front of grandma.

Christmiss: When you've had one egg nog too many and you wake up from a blackout on December 26.

Christmissive: Letters sent from loved ones far away during the holidays.

Christmasmisinterpretation: When your Chinese mother calls Poinsettias: 'Pony Sets'.

Sneezeasement

2010-12-17T11:59:00.003-05:00

Meaning: A right obtained by one person to temporarily make use of the personal space of another person for a limited purpose in order to sneeze or hack up a lung. Typically permitted with a quick 'excuse me'.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Sneeze + Easement

Example: "Being sick while trying to network and meet people is no picnic. I've had to obtain many sneezeasements as I shake hands and make small talk. Not a good first impression."

Variation:Sneezeasygoing: (Sneeze + Easygoing) To describe someone who is sick but doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. Example: "What's up with Jim? He just threw up and probably has a stomach flu but he's still tap dancing. He's so sneezeasygoing!"

Balleorexic

2010-12-15T12:47:00.000-05:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to severe eating disorders among those who must maintain a thin frame to work.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Ballet + Anorexic

Example: "New York City Ballet dancer Jenifer Ringer was recently criticized by the New York Times art critic for being too fat to dance the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker, prompting others to label her the 'Sugar Plump Fairy'. Ringer has been outspoken about her balleorexic past, and is now at a healthy weight. While the art critic defended his statement (that she looked like she had eating one sugar plum too many) and added that those that don't want to be judged by their bodies shouldn't be professional dancers, perhaps Ringer's presence can actually change the image that the industry has set, and prevent additional self-destruction among young girls."

Meowingman

2010-12-14T11:42:00.003-05:00

Meaning: A man's pet cat that helps him get girls.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Meow + Wingman

Example: "Having a meowingman only works if you are the type of guy that one wouldn't assume would like or own cats. If you you're a heterosexual dude who loves the fiber arts, wears Birkenstocks in the winter, and makes his own herbal teas, then a meowingman won't help you much. The benefit of a meowingman is that it's unexpected. Every guy has a dog, but how many have cats?"

Clintonic

2010-12-13T16:39:00.001-05:00

Meaning: The use one of the Clintons to invigorate or strengthen morale.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Clinton + Tonic

Example: "Obama's use of Ex-president Bill Clinton on Friday was an obvious Clintonic attempt to sway liberals to support his tax plan - Complete with witty banter about Obama not wanting to keep Michelle waiting."

Humorale

2010-12-10T09:00:00.001-05:00

Meaning: Jokes or funny stories told with the aim of lifting another's downed spirits.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Humor + Morale

Example: "She was so sad that all the humorale attempts in the world couldn't ease her broken heart. That's when her brother, an burgeoning inventor, found a way to take her mournful feelings and convert them into raw energy. And now her melancholy powers Cleveland."

Chopstigmatize

2010-12-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

Meaning: To have a mark of disgrace or general weirdness put upon you for using chopsticks in non-Asian-food settings.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Chopsticks + Stigmatize

Example: "A former colleague used to eat potato chips with chopsticks. And yes, he was Asian. It looked funny, but it was wicked convenient, as your fingers would not get greasy. I often want to do the same outside of the privacy of my own home, but sadly, I think I'm just too chopstigmatized. Too much trauma from kids constantly asking me: Do you use chopsticks every, single, day? in my childhood I think."

Man ne sais quoi

2010-12-06T08:30:00.002-05:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to an indescribable masculine quality in person.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Man + Je ne sais quoi (French for 'I Don't Know What')

Example: I think my Riverdance dance instructor is a cross dresser, but don't ask me to explain why. There's just this certain man ne sais quoi about her. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Pumadonna

2010-12-03T08:30:00.006-05:00

Meaning: A temperamental woman in her thirties who reacts to criticism or inconvenience with petulance, especially when that criticism is her preference for dating younger men.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Puma + Primadonna

Note: While popular culture designates pumas as 'cougars in training' (a cougar being woman 40 or older who dates younger men), the word puma is actually the name of the genus that the cougar belongs in. Incidentally, there is a term for males too who date much younger women: men.

Example: "Surprisingly, I haven't met too many pumadonnas in my lifetime. And my female friends that have dated much younger men have never done it twice."

Variations:
Pumazing - "That woman is just pumazing."

Pumantrap - A locale, such as a bar, club, or gym where pumas frequent.

Pumaybe - A woman who isn't sure she's a puma, or just going through a phase.

Pumanacle - A puma's very nicely manicured hand.

Pumayday - A codeword for younger men to their friends who need to exit a puma pouncing situation.

Pumark - The guy that a puma is interested in.

Pumartini - The drink of choice for pumas. (Seriously, a bartender needs to create this, and I want a cut.)

Pumack - A puma makeout session

Pumagnet - A younger man who seeks out or always attracts pumas.

Pumanual - The puma's book of instructions.

Pumatrimony - A puma-pumark marriage.

Cougarmed, Cougartillary, Cougarsenal - As in the weapons of choice for cougars: vodka shots and halter tops.

Cougargument - A verbal spat with a cougar.

Cougarouse - Self-explanatory.

Whimpunity

2010-12-02T09:03:00.002-05:00

Meaning: Exemptions from punishment or detrimental effects as a result of actions performed on a whim.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Whim + Impunity

Example: "A French writer once suddenly and capriciously said: We often do good in order that we may do evil with whimpunity."

Variation: Wimpunity (Wimp + Impunity): Exemption from punishment for a cowardly, timid, and ineffectual person.

Melatoninept

2010-12-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The residual drowsy feeling experienced the day after using Melatonin to get a few winks of sleep.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Melatonin + Inept

Photo: Ged Carroll, Zoohouse (via wikimedia images).

Example: "Sorry I'm so Melatoninept today. Last night a horrible window-pane pounding rainstorm kept me up half the night, so I relented to a sleeping aid. It worked. Just too well."

Variations:

Melatoninduced: (Melatonin + Induced) To be put down by Melatonin.
Melatoninertia: (Melatonin + Inertia) To be rendered physically and mentally immobile as a result of Melatonin.

Co-opsy-turvy

2010-11-30T13:39:00.000-05:00

Meaning: A cooperative apartment or store that is in a state of confusion and disorder - so basically, functioning as it typically does.

Function: Adverb

Portmanteau Origins: Co-op + Topsy-Turvy

Example: "My building is a totally co-opsy-turvy establishment. The median age of the condo board is 72, and all they care about is seniorobics classes and testing our fire alarms every six weeks. Sigh..."

Dishtinguish

2010-11-26T12:00:00.006-05:00

Meaning: A dish that is marked off as different and distinct from a group of many others.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Dish + Distinguish

Example: "We had the typical Thanksgiving fare this year: turkey, ham, stuffing, green beans, sweet potato, and pie. But it was the au gratin potatoes that really dishtinguished itself. Cheesy with a hint of truffles, it was just delicious."

Oinksgiving

2010-11-25T08:00:00.019-05:00

Meaning: A Thanksgiving spent gorging on various harvest-related food selections in a porcine-like manner.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Oink + Thanksgiving

Photo: From Buzz Andersen on Flickr.

Example: "Happy Oinksgiving everybody! Except for you Canadians. No double dipping allowed."

Vehemint

2010-11-24T07:39:00.000-05:00

Meaning: A very zealous and intense mint.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Vehement + Mint

Example: "Altoids likes to market their mints as 'curiously strong', but I've always felt if you use that marketing tactic, the product should be vehemintly strong, not just slightly fresh."

Disapparents

2010-11-23T09:22:00.000-05:00

Meaning: Parents who played less than an important role in a person's upbringing owing to the fact that they weren't around.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Disappear + Parents

Example: "The idea of having disapparents is such a sad portmanteau, but also very poignant. This isn't entirely original however, as photo blogger Harvey Mushman of Jungle Tongue used it last year but chose to use only a single 'p', that's his picture above. Beautiful."

Editorment

2010-11-22T11:26:00.000-05:00

Meaning: The incessant badgering some editors commit to get their writers to meet deadline.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Editor + Torment

Example: "It's been a while since I've experienced some serious editorment, and you know how they say you can miss it once it's gone? Yeah, I don't."

Yearsplitting

2010-11-19T09:00:00.003-05:00

Meaning: A strong enough shock or event in one's life to cause (temporary) year loss. See also: Yearache.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Year + Earsplitting

Example: "Lucky people have yet to experience a yearsplitting event. They don't know what it's like to have been hit so hard that suddenly months have passed, and drugstores are selling Christmas decorations."

Befuddelay

2010-11-12T09:00:00.017-05:00

Meaning: The use of confusion as a delay tactic.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Befuddle + Delay

Example: "Senator, is your filibuster an attempt to befuddelay this bill, on the hopes that the public is as dumb as you are trying to act?"

Seattill

2010-11-11T09:00:00.033-05:00

Meaning: The notion of Seattle being a place where great wealth (material and otherwise) is kept.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Seattle + Till

Photo: Taken by former Seattle Times reporter Jimi Lott, may he rest in peace.

Example: "Whenever I'm down, I reach into my Seattill and I'm instantly OK again. Cherry blossoms, lush green streets, Craftsmen homes, the smell of percolating coffee, and soft portentous rain are an instant pick me up."

Stuportrait

2010-11-10T09:00:00.025-05:00

Meaning: A picture of someone caught in a moment where all sensibilities are suspended.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Stupor + Portrait

Example: "My friend likes to go to college bars and take stuportraits. They're both funny and sad. A lot like life."

Hiptel

2010-11-09T09:00:00.002-05:00

Meaning: A very hip hotel that is both stylish and environmentally and artistically friendly.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Hip + Hotel

Example: "I stayed at an awesome hiptel in Vancouver recently. The products were green, they had gallery art in the rooms and on all the floors, and when I opened my bedside table, instead of a bible, I found an anthology of Canadian fiction writers with an intro by Douglas Coupland. If hotels were men, this one was my Prince Charming. Other awesome hiptels: The Jane in New York, The Hotel Congress in Tucson, and one I've not been to yet: El Cosmico in Texas where the rooms are old trailers."

Nostaljabbed

2010-11-08T09:00:00.023-05:00

Meaning: To be abruptly or sharply poked or thrusted with sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Nostalgia + Jabbed

Example: "Whenever I visit Seattle, I am nostaljabbed left and right. Last night I ate at the local burger joint Dick's Drive In. Pow. Then we drove past my old workplace. Bam."

Canadabble

2010-11-05T08:45:00.003-04:00

Meaning: To undertake a move to Canada superficially or without serious intent, particularly by U.S. Americans after a perceived great political loss following an election.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Canada + Dabble

Example: "As I head lovely Vancouver for a visit, I'm not so much a Canadabbler as I am a Canadaydreamer. I don't want to move there because of some sort of national disatisfaction, I just want taste those maple leaf candies and stroll through Stanley Park."

Variations:

Canadainty: (Canada + Dainty) Of or pertaining to how delicately beautiful everything in Canada is, from their tea cakes to their accents.

Canadaunting: (Canada + Daunting) Of or pertaining to how many places there is for one to visit in Canada.

Canadawdle: (Canada + Dawdle) To waste time or slowly saunter throughout Canada.

Canadaydream: (Canada + Daydream) To think fondly of the Great White North.

Hidden Aggendate

2010-11-04T09:00:00.061-04:00

Meaning: A duplicitously undisclosed date set up by one party and unbeknownst to the other under a guise of an innocent meeting or 'grabbing coffee'.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Hidden Agenda + Date

Example: "My friend was recently on a hidden agendate. What she thought was a chance for some idle gossip sharing and a quick bite with an acquaintance was actually an excuse to find out what she looked for in a man and where she saw herself in five years. It's a sticky situation all around. I mean how else is a guy supposed to casually ask a girl out? And how weird would it be for the girl to ask if it was a date, and it turned out not to be?"

Variations:

Enchiladate: To go for enchiladas on a date like at Filibertos in Phoenix.

Empanadate: To go for empanadas on a date like at Julia's in D.C. which has the added bonus of having no seating so the couple must walk to a secluded spot to eat and get to know each other better.

Humoralize

2010-11-03T12:12:00.031-04:00

Meaning: The use of humor to spread political or personal beliefs.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Humor + Moralize

Example: "Most of Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity was funny to watch, but his Moment of Sincerity was a little annoying. Blaming the press and painting all media in one broad stroke seems low-hanging fruit for even the newest of pundits. It's hard to believe someone as seasoned as Stewart chose that path to humoralize about. Stick to comedy Jon."

Marriagenda

2010-11-02T14:07:00.001-04:00

Meaning: 1) A plan or outline for marriage harbored (sometimes in secret) by a person that really wants to be married. 2) A checklist for planning your wedding. 3) A plan for gay marriage activists.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Marriage + Agenda

Example: "My sister was totally misled by a guy she just started dating. She thought they both wanted to keep it casual, but apparently he had some secret marriagenda he was keeping from her. She should have known when he asked on their first date what her ring size was."

Halloweepy

2010-10-29T13:36:00.000-04:00

Meaning: A feeling of nostalgia and fondness for Halloween. Sometimes bringing about actual tears.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Halloween + Weepy

Example: "Most holidays are filled with stress, family fighting, and extra pounds. But Halloween is the one American holiday that nearly everyone enjoys. Some of my best memories are at Halloween parties and events. I get all Halloweepy thinking about it."

Variation:
Hallowesternize: (Halloween + Westernize) If you've ever celebrated Halloween in a non-Western country, you know what I'm talkin bout. One amazing Beijing Halloween fest comes to mind.

Haikowtow

2010-10-28T14:49:00.000-04:00

Meaning: An expression of great appreciation and deference to another's Haiku or poetry in general.

Function: Verb

Portmanteau Origins: Haiku + Kowtow

Example:
Poets Laureate
Performed live recently here
I haikowtow much.

Variation:

Haikosher: (Haiku + Kosher) A haiku that correctly follows the rule of 5 syllables for the first line, 7 syllables for the second, and 5 syllables for the last.

Manhattangential

2010-10-27T11:01:00.000-04:00

Meaning: A descriptive word for the other four boroughs that make up New York that aren't Manhattan.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Manhattan + Tangential

Example: "My very posh friend is looking for a New York City apartment, and he's not interested in any Manhattangential listings."

Variations:
Acquaintangential: Useless people one barely knows.

Samaritangential: An onlooker watching a heroic act performed by someone else.

Yaymoral

2010-10-26T14:48:00.001-04:00

Meaning: Of or pertaining to the celebration of something that some consider to be without moral standards or principle.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Yay! + Amoral

Example: "If we take Biblical morality literally, according to Corinthians, women are not permitted to speak in churches. Exodus says if one works on the sabbath, they can be put to death. Leviticus tells us that you are unclean if you touch the skin of a dead pig. Last Sunday at my friend's wedding, I talked to a colleague about work standing in my new grey suede pumps. Three violations. I'm so Yaymoral. So stone me."

Bargainertia

2010-10-25T15:04:00.000-04:00

Meaning: The inability to search for a bargain due to the fact that there are so many discount websites available.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Bargain + Inertia

Example: "I've spent the last hour searching for a discount coupon code for a discount retailer. I'm entering bargainertia and can't get out... Ohhh... 50 percent off...."

Jingoinstigate

2010-10-22T13:44:00.000-04:00

Meaning: The use of xenophobia to incite a response.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Jingoism + Instigate

Example: "There's an ad circulating that shows a Chinese professor speaking to a lecture hall full of students in Beijing 20 years into the future. The professor and students are all laughing at the economic mistakes that the U.S. made that caused its "empire" to fall. The message is clear: If we don't stop government spending, China will be the next superpower (And they'll all laugh menacingly about it in large groups). I guess the folks that put it together don't realize that China's subsidies and it's own bailout far surpasses that of the U.S. when looking at its ratio to GDP. But that fact isn't very conducive to jingoinstigating advertising is it?"

Book Clubiquity

2010-10-21T11:57:00.000-04:00

Meaning: The increasingly commonplace occurrence of book clubs.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Book Club + Ubquity

Example: "I've got a book club with co-workers. I've got a book club with my girlfriends. I've got a family book club too. While it's nice to read great works and talk about them, this book clubiqutiy is seriously tiring me out."

Cosmopolitanked

2010-10-20T12:39:00.001-04:00

Meaning: 1) To get extremely inebriated on Cosmopolitans. 2) The complete failure at the attempt to live a trendy urban life.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Cosmopolitan + Tanked

Example: "My friend's bachelorette party was last weekend. Needless to say, 7 bars, 2 fights with huggy makeups, and one breaking and entering later, we were pretty Cosmopolitanked, but it was worth it."

Variation: Manhattanked (Manhattan + Tanked), for men that get sloshed while trying to copy Mad Men.

Satandencies

2010-10-19T12:37:00.000-04:00

Meaning: The inclination, bent, or predisposition of a person to do evil and harm to others.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Satan + Tendencies

Example: "While my deli man makes a mean meatball sandwich, I think he harbors some serious Satandencies. Whenever other customers ask for anything that deviates from the menu, a look befalls him that gives me the willies, and I'm fearful that they'll be getting something extra in their sandwich. I'd stop going, but man that sub is good."

The Repopo

2010-10-18T12:01:00.000-04:00

Meaning: The police-like gentlemen who come to repossess your belongings.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Repossession + The Popo

Example: "In these tough economic times, you can't hate on the repopo. They're just doing their job too. Unless they're the actors on 'Operation Repo' who recreate real repossessions. It's ok to hate them."

Tantrump Card

2010-10-15T09:00:00.001-04:00

Meaning: The upper-hand any child has over an adult when push comes to shove.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Tantrum + Trump Card

Photo: Courtesy Cory Voglesonger on Flickr.

Example: "When I'm babysitting my niece and nephew I may be charge, but they always hold the tantrump card. And when they use it, I'm completely at their mercy. Oh I can't wait till they're no longer short and cute."

Dishpute

2010-10-14T13:49:00.000-04:00

Meaning: 1) A heated argument that enters the dish-throwing stage. 2) A disagreement over which dish pattern an about-to-be-married couple will choose for their registry. 3) A fight between two chefs over which entree they will cook.

Function: Noun

Portmanteau Origins: Dish + Dispute

Example: "My fiancee and I had a major dishpute the other day at Crate and Barrel. I wanted the blue-and-white Camille dinnerware set, and he wanted to hit on the salesgirl. If he does this one more time, I swear I'm going to say something."

Variations:

Dishchord (Dish + Discord): "Serving chocolate sauce over meatloaf isn't cutting edge, it's just super dishchordant."

Dishapprove (Dish + Disapprove): "No matter how hard I work, my mother-in-law will always dishapprove of the things I make."

Dishagree (Dish + Disagree): "Paula Dean and Ellie Krieger will just have to agree to dishagree."

Symbikeotic

2010-10-13T13:07:00.002-04:00

Meaning: The mutually beneficial relationship between two bicyclists in which each is dependent on the other.

Function: Adjective

Portmanteau Origins: Bike + Symbiotic

Photo: Okay, he's not really dependent on her, other than the fact that her addition makes this a great photo.

Example: "My parents had a really symbikeotic relationship when they were courting. Mainly because none of them could afford a car."

Other Bike Portmanteaus: These are already in existence, but had to share: Autobikeography (Lance take note) and Ambikedextrous.

Back From Portmanholiday

2010-10-13T09:00:00.001-04:00

Sorry folks, I've been sooo busy... But I'm back from my abbreviatus so expect more original portmanteaus five days a week.

Not a machine, I am

2010-10-05T15:40:00.002-04:00

Just taking a little abbreviatus. More PMTs coming this week.